Friday, February 15, 2013

Potty Mouth


As much as I despise TLC for airing the mind numbing drivel of Honey Boo Boo and her Jabberwocky mother, I must also thank the false advertising company (shame on you for having the word learning in your name) for airing people’s weird ass addictions and giving me something to share on my blog. 

This brings me to Carrie, from Colorado Springs, Colorado, who enjoys drinking her own urine. Talk about giving new meaning to the phrase potty mouth.

Carrie describes urine as, “your body’s own perfect medicine.” She gives us some insight into the fact that what she eats changes the flavor of her whizz, and describes it as sometimes salty, sometimes a little lemony, and sometimes it tastes like champagne. Note to self, find out where Carrie gets her champagne and avoid that place like the freakin plague.

She also says that she loves asparagus but has removed it from her diet because, “It makes her urine taste really bad.” There’s an interesting fact that I didn’t learn in school. Asparagus free urine tastes better. I wonder if that would pass the Pepsi challenge. 

Carrie tells us she likes warm pee because it’s comforting. No Carrie, soft beds and bunny rabbits are comforting; drinking your own urine is just disturbing, not to mention that it makes your breath smell like piss. 

Carrie consumes about 80 ounces of her urine a day. For those of you who are wondering her secret, she says she drinks it like she’s in a beer-drinking contest. As if that wasn’t disturbing enough, she not only consumes her urine, she bathes in it, brushes her teeth with it, and uses it as eye drops, shampoo, and lotion. 

The good news is, she makes up for smelling like an alley behind a bar in New Orleans by having soft skin, silky hair, and pearly urine stained teeth. Thanks for the insight weirdo, but I think I’ll continue to donate my urine to the local sewage treatment facility and I urge everyone else to do the same.

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